engage your brain before your mouth

  KEITH 1955 13:02 25 Feb 2019

My mum is in a care home ( 96 ) due to a fall , my wife and I went to see her on Saturday , I was carrying 2 bags of clothes so my wife propelled herself in her manual wheelchair. The centres medical sister in charge crouched down in front of my wife and said if she continued to move herself like she was then she would probably break her fingers on her spokes , she added I don't like blood and bones. We were so taken aback that we just ignored her.

Today the same thing happened again so I went to the managers office and asked for her to be sent for. I said I did not like what she had just said to the "lady" who was with me. I told her the "lady" use to have a very important job at a local chemical company for 30 years ,( retired at 50 some 15 years ago ) I added that I knew she had been in a wheelchair for 46 years ( we been married 30 years I married HER not the wheelchair ) , FINALLY …. I said I know I got my facts right because she is not one of your residents , she is a visitor and by the way the lady is also my wife.

I guess I got a result because the woman was given a verbal warning about her conduct as it was not the first time it had happened.

Have any of you reading this had a foot in mouth moment either by doing it or been on the receiving end of it.

  Pine Man 13:15 25 Feb 2019

Have any of you reading this had a foot in mouth moment either by doing it or been on the receiving end of it.

Did you not, at any stage, think that the Medical Sister for the care home was giving your wife advice based on her experiences caring for elderly, sometimes wheel-chair bound, people?

I guess I got a result because the woman was given a verbal warning about her conduct

If you had discussed the advice given by the Medical Sister the first time she probably would not have repeated it and you may have appreciated that it was given in good faith.

I hope you are satisfied with your result.

  KEITH 1955 13:20 25 Feb 2019

hi pine man , don't take this the wrong way but the title of the thread says it all , just because she was in a place where their were wheelchairs she foot in mouth and just assumed she was a resident , after 46 years I don't think the wife needs telling how to perform.

  Pine Man 13:23 25 Feb 2019

just assumed she was a resident

Does that stop her giving an elderly wheelchair bound person some advice?

  wee eddie 17:04 25 Feb 2019

Warlord, I'm with Pineman on this one.

The Medical Sister's advice was sound and I think that it was up to you to thank her and explain that your wife was a long term wheelchair user and familiar with the risks

  alanrwood 18:22 25 Feb 2019

I'm also with wee eddie and Pineman. Whether she mistakenly thought she was a resident or not is not material. She was simply trying to help someone avoid injury.

  qwbos 23:50 25 Feb 2019

You need to remember that the sister is bound by both health and safety at work legislation and professional duty of care. From your description of what she said and how she said it, it sounds like she delivered the safety message in a light hearted friendly way. Your wife's work history is irrelevant.

If the sister ended up with a verbal warning because of your over sensitivity, I'd be more concerned with the actions of the manager.

  Forum Editor 08:56 26 Feb 2019

I am also of the same mind as pineman and others.

The care home manager is the one who should be given a verbal warning for humiliating a member of staff who was simply acting in your wife's best interests, and those of the home. As has been pointed out, the care home is under an obligation to concern itself with the safety of everyone who enters its doors, whether they are visitors or not. The member of staff acted correctly, and no harm whatsoever was done.

The fact that you married your wife and not her wheelchair has got nothing to do with this, and nor does her 'very important' previous job.

I think you need to think this through a little more, because you seem to have wildly overreacted, making a big fuss out of nothing to get 'a result' as you put it.

  Gordon Freeman 09:22 26 Feb 2019

Thread title?

  alanrwood 09:50 26 Feb 2019

In fact I would probably suggest that an apology is due to the nursing sister and a retraction of the verbal warning so it is not shown on her records.

  KEITH 1955 09:52 26 Feb 2019

ok so this is my final comment on this subject as it seems nobody agrees with me , as previously stated the woman crouched down in front of my wife instead of talking to her normally , I fully expected her to pat her on the head and ask her if she wanted to go to the toilet , trust me these things happen , I commented on my wifes background because the wing my mum is in is a dementure ward and for one minute I suspected the staff member was one of them.

some of your comments seem to be on the lines that I should have kept my mouth as I could have got somebody into trouble , all I can say is yesterday I got an apology.

please lock this thread to stop others replying as I think I have defended my actions.

This thread is now locked and can not be replied to.

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