Embarrassing things we have said

  bumpkin 19:27 12 Nov 2013

I mean embarrassing things said unintentionally. A few examples of my own gems of wisdom.

I "friend of mine told me his daughter was pregnant, I replied "does she know who the Father is" What I meant was who is the Father.

For a female customer, I was referring to a water stopcock, "You have to turn the cock on and off occasionally or it will get stiff." I can't remember who burst out laughing first on that occasion.

Edited to remove inappropriate content - FE

  mbc 22:19 12 Nov 2013

A supervisor was late for a meeting. When he arrived he was full of apologies, explaining that his mother-in-law had died during the night and he had been delayed by the undertakers. He then had a moan about the cost of the funeral. I, being sympathetic, commiserated and said 'Yes, they make a killing out of these things'.

  mbc 22:24 12 Nov 2013

Not embarrasing, but true. One of our plumbers was requested to go to a ladies Council house. A bathroom leak had come through the ceiling and her carpet was ruined. When he saw the damage he said to the lady 'It could have been worse'. 'How is that?' she said. 'It could have been my house' he replied. Cue a complaint to the Council.

  mbc 22:30 12 Nov 2013

Another truism. We were supervising some work on a Coucil estate, and a lady spotted us and dashed out of her house. 'Are you from the Council?' she said to my Clerk of Works. 'Yes.' he said. 'Well I've got mice in my house' she said. 'Careful who you talk to' to he replied 'The Council don't allow pets.' Cue yet another complaint.

  Aitchbee 21:25 13 Nov 2013

I used to get very embarrassed [as a boy] when confessing my 'sins' [to the priest] in the confessional-box ... 'Bless me Father, for I have sinned ... blah blah blah ...'

... but, on leaving ... the box ... I felt like jumping-for-joy, with a clean slate, so's I could commit the same 'sins' all over again! :o]

  bumpkin 22:15 13 Nov 2013

One for you HB click here

  Aitchbee 22:48 13 Nov 2013

Thanks bumpkin; but five Hail Marys & A Glory Be To The Father ... usually did the trick ... in them olden days ;o)

  flycatcher1 23:17 13 Nov 2013

Some years ago my wife was trying to find items for a Christmas Charity Box. She telephoned the local Toy Shop and asked the young male assistant if he had small balls.

The worst black that I will admit to occurred when a asked a Senior RC Padre if his wife was attending the Service Funeral that I was organising. "Married the Church, my Son" he replied.

  Paddy 01:00 14 Nov 2013

Visiting an old castle which stood in manicured grounds I noticed an elderly gentleman playing with a young child (about four years old) the child suddenly took off at a fair speed with the old fella in hot pursuit, the chase ended just in front of my wife and I. Phew! the old chap said, out of puff,

I replied " I know what its like grandad, I have the same problem with my grandson". GRANDAD? he exclaimed indignantly, I'm his father, oops who had a red face then.


  fourm member 08:48 14 Nov 2013

My wife trotted out the cliché about 'Still, it could be worse. You could get run over by a bus' in a group that included a young man who, five years before, had 'died' twice after being run over by a bus.

  lotvic 09:56 14 Nov 2013

Chatting at a family do it fell quiet, I realised I had been talking to my nephew's 2nd wife and using 1st wife's name.

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