I think the clue lies in your location "Think I'll go out to Alberta) springs to mind.
If you live a fair distance from your telephone exchange, then you are going to struggle.
As you say, you are getting insane slow speeds from your broadband connection.
Your ISP is unlikely to admit this, as they want your business, but fact is the price you pay for living in one of the most beautiful part's of the world is slow Internet access.
My advice would be to return to dial-up, as that is the speed you are currently getting.
You could try another service provider, but I'm afraid copper wire and distance are the issues here.