The rewriter should be the Master and the CD drive the Slave. DMA should be enabled for both.
The only drivers that are required are the basic Windows CDROM driver - using the drive is done through Nero or similar.
Assign the correct Master and Slave jumpering to the drives and then, via Device Manager, remove each in turn and let Windows Add New Hardware and install its driver.
My Pioneer DVD-ROM drive and TDK rewriter are both correctly assinged and work as they should - however, for some reason known only to itself, Windows XP Pro (and Windows Media Player9 for that matter) often use them in reverse.
If I click on C drive to eject a disk the rewriter draw opens - if I click on the E drive to do the same, the DVD-ROM drive's drawer cruises open.
Yet it all works as it should when burning using Nero and when playing audio CDs, DVDs etc.
Re DVD movies. Cyberlink's PowerDVD, now in its fifth version, is probably the most popular. If you go for it there's a patch update for it at Cyberlink's website (also for versions 3 and 4).