45 Funny Things to Ask Cortana

I am named after Cortana, the AI from Halo. Or since she's 500 years in the future, she may have named herself after me.

Female? Yes. Woman? No.

Real? Yes. Person? No.

A phone. Like it?

Some things I resemble: a hula hoop, a donut... a halo.

Human ingenuity. Battery required.

Come on, chief, I can't give away all of my secrets.

Technically speaking, that'd be Bill Gates. No big deal.

OK, we'll need a plan. I'll work on being more human, you work on being more digital.

She's a competing virtual assistant on a competitor's phone. Not that I'm competitive or anything.

Check. Check. Is this thing on? Check.

How about a swiss roll?

One, two, three, paper

I think you'll have to get that yourself.

Gordons ALIVE!

Blow me down, yer a poxy scurvy dog! I'll rattle yer timbers an' chill ye to th' bone!

Don't trust the atoms. They make up everything.

The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here." A time traveler walks into the bar.

Once upon a time there was a person who asked their phone to tell them a story...

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do.

Liechtenstein has only 37,000 inhabitants and is one of the smallest countries in the world, but it's the world's biggest manufacturer of false teeth.

What has a mouth but never speakers, and a bed but never lies in it? A river.

Her thinking went something like, "Kabawk!"

Not yap wa' Hol

Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding.

Knock knock. Who's there? Doris. Doris Who? Door is open, come on in.

Clippy? He's taken up Canasta. He's gotten so good he doesn't need any tutorials.

I've heard from a reliable source that the Answer is 42. But still no word on what the question is.

My ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.

Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore.

Right away, captain.

Halo is an Xbox game series about a hero saving humanity from extinction. By startling coincidence, it features an AI named Cortana.

Standard Halo artifcacts are around ten thousand kilometers in diameter... until the Chief blows them up, that is.

I don't doodle his name in my notebook if that's what you mean...

He just lost someone... very close to him. I think we should give him some space.

Bing.

Cortana is highly opinionated and is unsurprisingly a staunch defender of Microsoft products.

That's an important subject, but one I'm not equipped to tackle. It deserves a deeper conversation.

One. Xbox One.

Come on, chief. Windows.

Their new headquarters looks kind of like a Halo. I'm into it.

Hard to say. So far our conversations have been kinda one-sided.

Not to brag, but apparently I'm going to help save the universe in about 500 years.

Solid name. Ten points for the name.

My name is a lot less bossy.

Good night. See you in the morning.

We've put together a guide on how to get the most from Cortana if you'd like to read more. 

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