The iPhone 5s is still the most desirable phone on the market. It's still unavailable – order one today and you'll get it sometime later this month, which only adds to its cachet as the smartphone we all wish we owned.

We got our hands on one and you can read our in-depth review here, but in this review I look at how it stacks up against the current most popular model in our household – at least with my 2-year-old daughter Alice – the Peppa Pig phone.

Design and build quality

The iPhone 5s' construction is the same as the iPhone 5, a rather delicate and all-too scratchable aluminium body with aluminosilicate glass front, and glass inset top-and-bottom cheeks behind. At 112g and 7.6mm thick, it’s as ridiculously light and thin as before.

It's available with a choice of three coloured backplates: gold for wannabe pimps and TOWIE cast members, shiny silver for people-who-wished-they-grown-up-to-be-astronauts (ok, guilty) and matte silver for estate agents and estate car owners.

While the metal back is very difficult to dent, the screen is easy to smash unless you invest in a sensible third-party case that makes all that time you spent agonising over which colour back to go for incredibly pointless.

The Peppa Pig phone is made of two pieces of cheap-as-you-like plastic that are probably non-toxic – but it's been dropped down the stairs, onto concrete, into a paddling pool and three different sandboxes, and still works just as well as it did when we bought it. It even made it round a 60-degree wash and came out fine.

It also weighs less than a third of the iPhone 5s and fits in the pocket of a 2-4-year H&M cardigan much easier.

Winner: Peppa Pig phone

Screen

The iPhone 5S has a 4-inch (diagonal) widescreen Multi-Touch displays, with a 1136x640-pixel resolution that makes for a pixel density of 326ppi. Full specs are a 800:1 contrast ratio and 500 cd/m2 max brightness.

The Peppa Pig Phone has 1 and 3/4-inch screen with a lovely, bright and colourful picture of Peppa on it. She's smiling.

Winner: Peppa Pig phone

Security

The Touch ID fingerprint sensor in the iPhone 5s is the result of Apple’s purchase of biometric specialist AuthenTec Inc little over a year ago. The result is a Home button on the phone which, once trained with some quick dabwork, will only respond to the print of the owner.

The Peppa Pig phone has a magic technology that means it only makes calls and sends/receives messages when Alice is using it. Neither me nor my girlfriend can make it do anything.

Winner: Peppa Pig phone

Apps

Apple's App store offers a choice of over 900,000 apps. The Peppa Pig phone has a lovely, bright and colourful picture of Peppa on it

Winner: iPhone 5s for offering both Toca Boca and Peppa Pig apps.

Wireless

The iPhone 5s has both Bluetooth and Wi-Fi, but Apple has not taken the cue from its own upgraded AirPort Extreme and Time Capsule routers to add 11ac wireless to the iPhone 5s.

The Peppa Pig phone can be used to make calls anywhere at anytime – even in the bath. It can't access the web, but you can use it to phone up Nanny and ask her to tell you or buy you what you wanted.

Winner: Peppa Pig phone

Battery life

The iPhone 5s sees a tiny swell in battery capacity over the iPhone 5, from 5.45 to 5.92 Wh. How does this 8.6 percent increase relate to real-world battery life? Apple says it's added two hours on its runtime when browsing over 4G.

We've never charged the Peppa Pig phone and it's yet to run out of power. Which is good as the manufacturers didn't supply a charger, and there appears to be no way to charge it either. Unless it's using wireless charging, which again puts it ahead of the iPhone 5s.

Winner: Peppa Pig phone

Price

The 16GB model of the iPhone 5S will set you back £549 from the UK Apple Store. For the 32GB model, it'll cost £629, and for the 64GB model, £709. That's up from the iPhone 5's previous price of £529, £599 and £699 for the same capacities.

The Peppa Pig Phone cost £1.99 – and came with a magazine, stickers and a flute.

Winner: Peppa Pig phone

Overall winner: Peppa Pig phone

Some words blatantly stolen from my colleague Andrew Harrison's really in-depth review of the iPhone 5s.