Posted by Jim Martin 26 September 2014
This hilarious hands-on smartphone review is pure poetry
This week we’ve been having some fun reviewing a cheap Chinese smartphone, the Landvo L200G. Afterwards we stumbled upon this brilliant hands-on review of the phone by Chinese blog Gizmochina.
We know their English isn’t perfect, but there’s something about the review that rides the line between poetry and hilarity that makes it worth reading – even if it couldn’t be more different in style to our own reviews.
Take the intro for example:
"Landvo L200G 4G Phablet is the prestigious smartphone with astounding features and suiting anyone’s budget. This wonderful piece of handset with dual CPU set up and powerful LTE FDD 4G features is the most affordable and power filled possession your pocket can yearn."
Then they move to the design:
"Cute design and light weight are its attractive features that make you feel casual and comfortable with this gadget. With seamlessly constructed square body, smoothly curved edges and silver waist line it gives sleekness and comfortable feeling to fingers… It is convenient to carry this smart companion wherever you go, which makes you the whole thing completely natural."
It's almost as if it's been written using iOS 8's new QuickType predictive text keyboard.
Features are considered, including the ambient light sensor and battery:
"The eye sensor adjusts the intensity of light and makes the eyes comfortable even if you and your mate are on travel. It is provided with one number 2000 mAh, lithium, 3.8 volt battery. Since the battery has a long life, you can safely enjoy the comfort of your companion and enjoy uninterrupted music and videos while you travel long distance."
Having comfortable eyes while travelling with my mate is important to me too.
While we prefer to look at a camera's specifications and features, Gizmochina's description is again much more poetic:
"With high class dual cameras, 2.0 MP in the front and 5.0 MP in the back with flashlight and auto focus facility, you can click some unforgettable stills of your life to be reminisced forever. Video recording facility enables to give life to some valuable moments and preserve for the next generation."
To be fair, Landvo's own website provided just as much amusement when we were checking up on the smartphone's specifications. Even the typography suggests poetic intentions:
The description of the camera and colours reflects the totally different culture:
"Focus on the best one of the moment. Built with 8.0MP back camera, recording your wonderful moment. All photos will be presented like happening just now while you look back each of them. Your memory is worthy of such record."
"Black and white contrast everywhere in life, its unique charm often stands out from the colors. It is consistent with the trend of the times and life rhythm, and the meaning contained is self-evident."
The conclusion about the L200G? Over to Gizmochina:
"World is advancing through a digital age with supersonic speed. Digital revolution is explicit in technology, science, communication, internet, and everywhere. Be a part of the growth, own a prestigious Landvo L200G, and enjoy every moment, without a second."