Thought you might like a laugh

  ray7 19:37 20 May 2008

Your house is on fire so you dial 999
You should get assistance and all will be fine
But the call centre is here and if we follow this trend
Could the help we require come to an end?

When you dial 999, could this happen to you
‘Our operators are busy and you’re held in a queue
We know you are anxious and your problem is dire
So we’ll play you some music (from the Chariots of Fire)

Good Evening caller if you are still on the phone
Please follow the instructions when you hear the tone
We need to know which service you require
Press 1, 2 or 3 for Police, Ambulance or Fire

Is it an accident, a fire, or a cat up the tree?
Using your keypad, press one two or three
You’ve pressed number 2 which means it’s a fire
So now there’s some more information we require

What type of property we now need to know
A house or a flat or a small bungalow
It could be outside. Perhaps it’s a car
Press 1 2 or 3. but for a car please press Star

You pressed number one – a house so we see
That’s assuming of course, you pressed the right key
Now, how many bedrooms we now need to know
So press the right key for the number to show

Where are the bedrooms (We must tell the crew)
Press One for upstairs or for downstairs press Two
We must have the information to pass to the guys
So the ladder they bring will be the right size

Now, how many people are on the first floor
Please press the number, One through to Four
You’ve pressed number Three, now that will be all
We’re now in a position to process your call

We’ve completed the questions and passed your call through
But I’m sorry to tell you – you are again in a queue
One final thing – please press number Three
Then the Controller will help you as soon as he’s free

Are you still waiting caller? I’m sorry to say
The office you are calling has now closed for the day
I realise caller, this may cause you some sorrow
But I’m sure we can help if you phone back tomorrow

If you do call again and wish to complain
You’ll have to press some more buttons then give us your name
You are free to complain as much as you like
It won’t make any difference because they’re all out on Strike

  jack 19:45 20 May 2008

I admire your use of prose?
but I worry in case one of those
Who sell wonderful system to those that govern
might think what good wheeze to sell it to these
that govern- and those that do are so dim they will
say public money well spent.

  mrwoowoo 22:33 20 May 2008

Now that really is a very long rhyme
To read it all,i just haven't the time
All them long words make me none the wiser
So it's back to the help room on pc advisor.

  dagbladet 23:19 20 May 2008

Roses are red
Violets are blue
some poems rhyme
this one doesn't

  Bingalau 12:12 21 May 2008

And there was I thinking that McGonagall was dead?

  crosstrainer 12:14 21 May 2008


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