Technical support laughs

  Totally-braindead 20:22 02 Jun 2007

My brother just sent me these and I thought I would pass them on as some of them are new and made me smile.

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

Customer: My keyboard is not working any more.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars..

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P"...on your keyboard, Bob.

  Jackcoms 20:37 02 Jun 2007

Some of those have been doing the rounds for a long time click here

  interzone55 20:54 02 Jun 2007

Tech Support: Right-click on your mouse
Custard: OK I've done that
Tech Support: Has it worked?
Custard: No
Tech Support: Tell me what you just did
Custard: I've written "click" on my mouse in biro
Tech Support: Thank you, I'll pass you to my supervisor

Thanks to Dave Spikey for that one

  BT 08:16 03 Jun 2007

My son worked in a computer store and was most amused when a lady came back the day after buying a new keyboard wanting to know why she hadn't found a Manual in the box!!

  Forum Editor 09:20 03 Jun 2007

I once had a client who thought that if power sockets were left switched on without anything plugged into them, electricity would leak out and cost a fortune.

  MichelleC 10:26 03 Jun 2007

I posted this link to an irate Dell customer a while back. The language is a bit fruity so put your fingers in your ears when listening. click here

  Pine Man 13:53 03 Jun 2007

Nice link.

ps. Some of the the more modern computers have got volume controls now ;-)

  Whaty 17:04 03 Jun 2007

This is quite old now but.....

This is 'suposed' t be a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. The Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is apparently tried to sue the Word Perfect organisation for "Termination
without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer support employee (now I know why they record these conversations):-

"Ridge Hall computer assistance, may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
" It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
" It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there Again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
"Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
I can't "
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, A suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

  Legolas 17:50 03 Jun 2007

While doing computer support at college this was given as a "true" story of a customer enquiry and what not to say in response.

A person phoned customer support to say they could not get their computer to switch on, the technician took them through the usual questions starting with are you sure it is plugged in? the person said they were not sure and the technician told them to check, the person replied that they could not see if it was plugged in because they were having a power cut at that time.

At that the technician asked the person if they still had the all the packaging the computer came in, when the person said they did the technician told them to look it out and pack up the computer and send it back, the person then enquired if the problem was that serious, the technician said no but someone as stupid as you has no right having a computer.

  Woolwell 18:17 03 Jun 2007

This actually happened to me some years ago:
The conversation went something like this:
Customer on the phone: "The computer hasn't got all of its cables".
Me: "That's odd they're usually well checked before despatch."
Moment of inspiration from self "Have you opened all of the boxes?"
Customer: "No".
Me: "They're in the other boxes."

  Legolas 18:53 03 Jun 2007

Whaty My story is the same as yours but when I posted it I got a server error and it looked like it had,nt appeared now it looks like it has appeared but later as your post of the same story was not there hence the similar post.

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