life is complicated

  User-275D703E-9E45-4660-90C50AEC01271F1A 21:23 08 Jun 2007
Locked

life in general is getting more complicated and this leads to more stress. With this in mind I offer the following tips so you can avoid stress and lead a more peaceful life. I hope this helps, if you have any tips you would like to share with others please post here.

DON'T waste money on expensive ipods:
Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it.
If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine?
Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

ALCOHOL: makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view.
All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

SHOES: shoes will last twice as long if only worn every other day.

SINGLE men: Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

ALCOHOLICS: don't worry where the next drink is coming from.
Simply go to the bar, where a large selection is available at retail prices.

GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity,
try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.

PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

BURGLARS: When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90° wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.

BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph.
After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.

RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

CINEMA goers:
Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a pee before the film starts.

  Si_l 23:12 08 Jun 2007

2nd and last points were funny. :-)

  Fred the flour grader 22:29 09 Jun 2007

"copyright alert" I bet the publishers of Viz are informing their lawyers right now about the "top tips" section of their rag being ripped off in the PC Advisor forums.

  lotvic 22:48 09 Jun 2007

Aye... "copyright alert"......
"life in general is getting more complicated and this leads to more stress"

  Bingalau 11:34 10 Jun 2007

Fred the flour grader. I saw this on the internet many years ago, so I imagine any copyright is well over and done with.

  Joe R 11:52 10 Jun 2007

Fred the flour grader,

the "top tips" in Viz, are one of the best stress relievers known to man. :)

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