I'm not sure I have enough bandwidth

  Forum Editor 05:29 17 Jun 2008
Locked

to cope with this:

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Does anyone have any more business-speak gems?

  crosstrainer 07:02 17 Jun 2008

"Thinking outside the box" Arrghh!!, most of these phrases originate in the good old US of A.

I had a company contact me a while back offering all kinds of great ideas to ramp up my business, cut down on staff, Multitasking training etc.

I told them we were far too busy "Multitasking" to have any time for them. They appeared offended, I didn't care!

  €dstowe 07:37 17 Jun 2008

The examples are too, too familiar. Every meeting I have there seems to be another piece of "inane- speak" promulgated.

"fundamental negativity" is one I had thrust upon me the other day. I think it means that they don't want the work as I found out later that the company, who had just made a considerable proportion of its workforce redundant, didn't have enough staff to do the job.

The sentence read:

"We will have to offer fundamental negativity to this proposal due to undue pressures on our baseline workload."

Note also the "due to undue" and "baseline workload".

Sorry, mate. After many years of being one of our main printers, you will most likely now be making more employees redundant as you have lost a customer (permanently, forever and always)*.

*Another daft phrase I've seen.

  Legolas 07:58 17 Jun 2008

As I work processing peoples CV's I see a lot of jargon especially in HR CV's. One recently had
"I not only Think outside the box but inside as well". The one used a lot in my workplace is "Thinking corporately" or "to be business minded for a moment". If I ever find myself using this jargon seriously then shoot me....please

  Mike D 08:02 17 Jun 2008

How about running an idea up the flagpole to see who salutes it. Or we don't want anyone walking backwards on this parade.

Bah humbug!

  crosstrainer 08:03 17 Jun 2008

Ok, as long as someone shoots me at the same time :))

  crosstrainer 08:08 17 Jun 2008

God help us all, sadly there are some people who actually spout this rubbish AND GET PAID to do it.

Anyone remember Tony Britas in that old sitcom..? That was full of such jargon, and in it he was, plainly an idiot.

  Mike D 08:12 17 Jun 2008

This dats from 15 years ago at BT, after the introduction of TQM

  laurie53 08:23 17 Jun 2008

A few years back I remember a joke letter that was circulating around my workplace.

It was divided into half a dozen or so sections containing meaningless phrases.

The idea was that you took one phrase from each section and ended up with total management speak jargon was perfectly acceptable but meant absolutely nothing.

It worked just about perfectly in any situation, sorry scenario, you could think up!

  interzone55 08:40 17 Jun 2008

Luckily my company is relatively free of business speak - until you have dealings with the Marketing department, who's slogan is <company name> Where Marketing Matters - nothing like blowing your own trumpet.

I think that a lot of management speak stems from Scott Adams' Dilbert strips, where things he's made up have migrated into the real, irony free business world.

So expect to see yesterday's new word, Gossipsize, make it into the business lexicon in the next 6 months.
I case you need an explanation, it's where HR spread rumours about you until you quit.

click here

  jack 08:45 17 Jun 2008

missive to the sender and asked for a Queens English translation?
When next one comes my way I may well consider doing it.

Meanwhile those among you who are 'Property obsessed and like to scan the ads to see by how much your house has dropped in price- noticed the language that creeps into these gems to 'Sex-Up' the average three bed Semi?
I can imagine a new recruit to the office 'penning' this stuff to create an impression for themselves.

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