How will you spend your £18,442 from banks?

  michaelw 13:54 06 Aug 2010

That's three of them so far making huge profits. Good luck to them, I say.

Here's a letter I sent them today:

Dear Mr HSBC, Lloyds, RBS,

I am very pleased your banks have made a very good profit thus far, six months after you borrowed a lot of money from me.

I am given to understand that between you three banks you have made a collective profit of £4.5 billion. I can only commend you on your investment prowess and diligence.

As you probably know there is a population in the UK of approximately 6.1 million people. Now, I am not a mathematical genius like your good selves, otherwise I’d be a banker myself, but upon playing with my calculator found that if I divided the profit you have made with the UK’s population we arrive at a figure per head of £7.3 million. (I think that’s right but your adding machines are probably better than mine.)

I continued to press a few more buttons and found that, at a bank rate of 0.5% per annum, each person in the UK has earned £36,885. As that is the annual rate we will halve it to £18,442.

Now, to be fair my usual rate for lending to banks is 3% p.a. but I realise we have been through difficult times so I will match your rate.

Therefore, I look forward to receiving my money at your convenience. A cheque will probably be best because there seems to be quite a lot of online banking problems at the moment. Could you please write your name and address on the back, together with the bank card’s number.

I look forward to hearing from you very soon.

Many thanks,

  QuizMan 14:59 06 Aug 2010

"...there is a population in the UK of approximately 6.1 million people" Really?

And when did HSBC borrow money from us? I must have missed that.

  michaelw 15:14 06 Aug 2010

Spoilsport. Now you're going to tell me Lloyds and RBS didn't have a bailout too. Still, we've yet to hear from the other banks who did.

  wiz-king 15:29 06 Aug 2010

"...there is a population in the UK of approximately 6.1 million people" didn't know the swine flu was that bad!

  red1977 15:43 06 Aug 2010

Erm, £4.5bn (american billion TBF) divided by 61 million is about £73. Your share of that for half a year is 18p at 0.5% interest. Good luck and dont let it change your life.

Unless my figures are wrong and I should have been a banker

  mr simon 17:49 06 Aug 2010

Is 6.1 million a spelling error or is that what you sent to them in the letter? If it was, its going to get laughed at all the way into the shredder.

  Forum Editor 17:54 06 Aug 2010

you feel like being humorous you do a little research first. As has been pointed out, your mathematics are appalling, to say the least, and you've sent the letter to a bank that didn't borrow a penny from you.

Your letter will undoubtedly go straight into the waste paper basket when it reaches its destination, and frankly that's the best place for it.

  karmgord 18:48 07 Aug 2010

Take it the spirit it was meant,it's all the funnier for his mistakes, is not the UK population 61million approx?
It seems to me you bankers,(not a spelling mistake)have not got a sense of humour,or is it touching a raw nerve.
Go and count your bonus money and cheer up.

  michaelw 13:32 08 Aug 2010

It was the claret talking. But at least it gave the FE the opportunity to indulge in his humiliation fantasies.

  ronalddonald 13:40 08 Aug 2010

someone will of course check the statistics of the population, don't worry the banks wouldn't dare pay out a penny only the rate of the the savers, its a business entity.

  rickf 14:31 08 Aug 2010

Nevermind the substance of it. It is a brilliant idea. After all we aody bankwersre entitled to the returns of our investments. Bankers, ARGHHH!!!

This thread is now locked and can not be replied to.

Elsewhere on IDG sites

Alienware 17 R4 2017 review

These brilliant Lego posters show just what children's imaginations are capable of

Mac power user tips and hidden tricks

Comment réinitialiser votre PC, ordinateur portable ou tablette Windows ?