How to meet a nice lady

  superhoops 08:05 08 Feb 2009

I have been without a lady in my life for about 3 years and actually living on my own for 7 years. When I get home from work at night I sometimes dread going into the dark empty house and wish there was someone there to greet me, like there used to be. I do get lonely sometimes in the evenings, I have my young son stay at the weekends
so it is really just the weekdays that I can get a bit down.
Having said that my question is has any one any good ideas how to meet someone. I have tried online dating and didnt get any replies to my messages at all!! I joined a local Searchmates organisation where you meet up in pubs etc with others - nice bunch but no potential partner.
Don't get me wrong,I am not depressed or anything as a result of being on my own, but there is a massive gap in my life. Incidentally I am 48.

  Forum Editor 09:06 08 Feb 2009

I sometimes crave solitude, but that's entirely different - what you're experiencing are the pangs of loneliness, and you are one of an increasingly large minority.

There's no magic formula for finding a companion, and it's often said that the harder you try the less likely you are to be successful. One of the problems with dating services is that they introduce you to people with whom you may have little in common - apart from the fact that you're all looking for relationships. Real-life encounters tend to happen when two people are naturally in the same place for the same reason - they start off from the basis of at least one common interest.

Are you a gregarious person - someone who mixes well? If you are, and you have interests, you might try joining clubs or associations. If you enjoy being out and about you could do a lot worse than the Ramblers Association click here you would meet others who are unattached, and the fact of having a joint interest can work wonders.

There are all kinds of organisations, and if you have hobbies or just casual interests there's bound to be one that would fit the bill.

Good luck, often you find what you're looking for when you least expect it, but to do so you'll have to be out there, meeting people in everyday situations.

  AL47 09:48 08 Feb 2009

i am much younger but in the same position, you cant help but look...

  superhoops 10:08 08 Feb 2009

for your responses. FE the Ramblers is definately a possibility - I go swimming twice a week and have a stab at wii fit but that may help me with fitness as well. It is true that one of my major problems is that I dont really go anywhere particularly where I might meet anyone. My job is not conjucive(is that right?) with meeting people. I am on the road most of the day then meeting a few customers each day,i.e. no gang of colleagues. I have known several people in the past who have met the love of their life either directly or indirectly through work. (My son's mother met the person she ran off with through her work!)
I will try and join an organisation or club to at least give me something to do in the evenings, after I have browsed this forum of course!
One thing that I love about this forum and why I have been browsing and posting for many years is that you can post about practically anything that is on your mind and that you always get good helpful kind responses and I am very grateful for it and FE's hard work.

  newman35 10:24 08 Feb 2009

To me, some of your post does give a feeling of depression, and other problems (like reference to 'my son's mother', not wife/former wife).
If there is still bitterness in there, then this may well transpose itself into your interactions with other people and cause them to 'hold back'.

On the other hand, when you say you dread going into the empty house, I know of an aquaintance of mine who is married and dreads going home at night!! So 'relationships' are not always the answer.

  rdave13 10:48 08 Feb 2009

Was in the same situation as yourself many years ago. A trolley with 'ready meals', tinned stuff and a potato or two is a dead giveaway to the ladies of a bachelor. Met my new partner there even though I wasn't really looking for a new relationship at the time.

  jack 10:55 08 Feb 2009

Is to stop looking.
As FE said taking up an interest that takes you, not an interest the has the likely hood of prolific 'totty'
Get immersed in what ever it is and and you will be sought out when you least expect it.
It's bit like that word that is on the tip of your tongue.
Stop struggling with the problem and the answer will pop up.

Mind you 55 years ago the Saturday night hop in the Town/Church Hall was the meeting place.
How folk manage in todays dark/deafening club venues baffles me.

  Forum Editor 11:28 08 Feb 2009

particularly - and contrary to what you might think - amongst the young. Many young people live alone, in flats or bedsits, and if they are women (and lots of then are) they can find it difficult to meet suitable companions of the opposite sex. The dating agency business is booming as never before.

Big cities can be isolating places - people tend to live and work in virtual tunnels - and unless you are the type of person who is naturally gregarious you can find yourself on the outside looking in - lonely in a city of millions. The cause is the decline of the social neighbourhood, where people knew all their neighbours on both sides of the street. That's a thing of the past for many people; they live their lives without ever knowing the person who lives a few doors away.

  newman35 11:43 08 Feb 2009

Agree with what you say, and wonder, also, if what you said about young women and difficulties could be one of the causes of the increase in drinking among young girls (the former 'dutch courage' that only us men needed)?

  newman35 11:46 08 Feb 2009


  robgf 11:53 08 Feb 2009

I've found that it's easier to meet women as I have got older. They are far more chatty and interested. Sadly I'm less interested as I get older and they all seem to have a lot of baggage and the older women get, the more boring and sensible they get (imop), so a bit of a double edged sword.

I think the meeting in supermarkets thing, is a bit of a myth. I've never met anyone in a supermarket, although I did go out with a checkout girl, but I don't think that counts, as she wasn't a customer.

Work seems to be a good place to meet another partner if you are already married, at least judging by the number of people (both sexes) who have affairs at my work place. Not so good for the singletons though :(

Personally, I like to have a girlfriend, but I prefer to live alone, after a few hours people irritate me.

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