Computers are a doddle....

  spikeychris 18:52 26 Jul 2004

compared to the stuff in a kitchen!! My wife is away on a course for a few days and I'm battling with the washing machine and tumble dryer. Whats with all the numbers and options and symbols?? wheres the manual? Wheres the schematic drawings? She's often on courses but I can never get is sussed, first thing, how do you know if you are to shove the round washing machine tablets in a net (sometimes the net has a triangle piece of sponge in the corner??) or put them in the slot thing?

I have been told that you have to stack the tablets on top of each other sometimes, this is before I even switch it on!

Question to me: How do you switch a computer on.

Answer: Just press the 'ON' button.

Question to Grannie: How do you switch a computer on?

Answer: I have no idea.

Question number 2 to Grannie: How do you switch on a washing machine that has more flashing buttons, knobs, dials, push and pull thingy's than Concorde?

Answer: Well that ones easy you just....

Tumble drying, I once tried to read the hundred page instruction book then gave up, shoved all me stuff in and out came an action man outfit,..dry but ever so tiny.

Cooking a roast, cook for so many mins per kilo then add a bit on the end...unless you have a fan assisted oven then do it for much less? How the hell do you get a roast and all the veg and whatnot to finish at the same time?? Why does microwave food never have my wattage of oven, I have to take me shoes and socks off to figure out how long to nuke it for.

To go back for a sec, to turn a computer on you press the on button and thats it..nowt else, no working out, no push me pull me, no dials to turn or nets to find or times to work out, or calculations made, its easy.

The next time your Grannie tells you she cant even switch it on just remind her of what goes on in the kitchen.

Chris, on his own, eating takeaway food, in yesterdays shirt.

  spikeychris 19:18 26 Jul 2004

Just been mailed and yeah theres something else. A ball and liquid! We harp on about a harmonisation of printers and printer ink and processors and compatibilities and one size fits all. Imagine, your trough powder things breaks, all you have to do is buy a generic replacement! CD-ROMS are generic, if one fails you can shove any old make in, they are the same size and one size fits all.

BUT, its not quite that simple, you have to get the make and model and the sales assistant will do the teeth dryer on you (sucks air in whist shaking his head) and tell you 'its going to be expensive as they are hard to get'

Think I might have already said this but...

Computers are a doddle.

  carolineann 20:14 26 Jul 2004

Thanks for that, best laugh I have had all day.

  sanpat 20:46 26 Jul 2004

When my computer(s) with their associated printers/scanners etc etc became unmanageable I bought a Router. This quickly made the setting up of a network with printer/file/broadband sharing easy so everything was back under control.

When the kitchen/utility room became over complicated with gadgets that defied understanding I got a wife and again everything was under control.

I would not dream of running my system without the router and simarly cannot operate without the wife.

I have an older model but she only cost Seven schillings and six pence but unlike computers does not have built in obsolence. The newer models are also vastly inferior and cannot be programmed without quickly becoming over heated.

So do not use the washer/cooker buy new and eat out. Take good care of the wife and remember that she is 24/7, never offline and worth all the running costs.


  fuzzyone 21:02 26 Jul 2004


How very true,

I can strip down, clean and rebuild a pc blindfolded in about 10 Mins. (well! a little exaggeration), but can i find out how to work a mobile phone? not a hope.

  watchful 21:26 26 Jul 2004

It's all a matter of what you've been programmed for.

Washing machines are a doddle - but not to my better half.

At least being left without the missus you now appreciate all she has to cope with.

P.S. Just chuck the string bag, with tablets inside, on top of your washing. Ignore the drawer, that's for powder, and the plastic ball is for liquid detergent.

Simple when you know how.

P.P.S. You usually cut the cooking time by about 5 mins for fan-assisted ovens.

Happy housekeeping.

  stalion 21:36 26 Jul 2004

thank god for take aways eh!

  esbe 00:16 27 Jul 2004

What's a "washing machine", some new fangled gadget I suppose.

  Chegs ® 02:13 27 Jul 2004

I can find my way from here to anywhere in the UK,but not from here to the kitchen.I had a wife,she disposed of me one New Years eve.I opted for a live-in-girlfriend,never complains and when She tires of me and my objectionable habits,She is free to depart(if the Fraggle gives her permission)I'm the only male in the house.(even the dogs a bitch) :-)

  watchful 08:14 27 Jul 2004

Chegs ®
...'I had a wife, she disposed of me one New Year's Eve'. Perhaps you should have found your way to the kitchen occasionally instead of the PC.:-)

  hooligan 18:48 27 Jul 2004

For too long, or are you old fashioned. can you change nappies ? thought not. let your clothes stink and go hungary and youll soon find out.

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