ABC today announced that Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak will star in the forthcoming season of 'Dancing with the Stars' (that's US 'Strictly Come Dancing' to you and me).

Wozniak claims he's not much of a dancer. And, frankly, we believe him.

Steve Wozniak

Wozniak - commonly known as 'Woz' - designed the electronics inside the first Apple computer. He and Steve Jobs formed Apple in 1976, and he worked there full time until 1987. Woz remains on the Apple payroll to this day, and is an iconic figure for Mac fans.

And now Woz is preparing to foist his unholy moves on a largely unsuspecting public. He's a big unit, so they're unlikely to miss him.

Why on earth would he do it? Bill Gates' retirement plan (you know, saving the world) has never looked so rational.

According to the man himself, Apple's other Steve's goddaughter persuaded him to go on the show, so ABC owes her a vote of thanks (and can send her the bill for the reinforced dancefloor).

See also: Wozniak: Apple will survive without Jobs

See also: Interview: Apple's Steve Wozniak

Wozniak will be 'performing' alongside such luminaries as Belinda Carlisle, Lil' Kim and Denise Richards. If you don't know who these people are, shame on you. But trust me, they will all be able to dance better than La Woz.

Intriguingly, Woz will also get up close and personal with UK judges Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. The mind boggles. I may be speaking out of turn, but I'd be surprised if the East End's own Mr L Goodman has ever seen a computer, and I can't imagine that he thinks any such nonsense is insanely great: which should make for interesting conversation.

Frankly, the whole thing threatens to be carnage. It'll be brilliant, in a car crash kind of a way.

'Dancing with the Stars' begins on ABC in the US on 9 March. Inevitably there'll be YouTube snippets, but it may also be on UK Gold as previous series have been.

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